“Knowledge is only rumor until it lives in the bones.” Asaro Tribe
As I reflect upon my AEDP journey, two words come to mind; perseverance and wonder.
When I heard Diana Fosha’s lecture “Healing Attachment Trauma with Attachment”, at PSYBC (NYC) lecture series, November, 2009, and attended AEDP Institute Conference February 2010, I knew I needed to learn about AEDP. It was about Diana standing at the podium, arms outstretched describing an over-arching phenomena. It was the content such as, “we are wired for growth and healing…we are shaped by a deep desire to be known, seen, recognized…not just bundles of pathology…” It was Diana’s smart, laser focused, emotional, explicit, caring and transformational tape. It was about the welcoming and heart felt approach to serious work I witnessed at the AEDP conference. I felt healed and transformed, just watching and showing up. AEDP took my social work values and theoretical stance to new heights. My heart, voice and nature were spoken to.
Finally, in May 2013, with family responsibilities loosening and a new hip, I began a serious AEDP journey and took the Immersion Course with Diana in NYC. By July, I was in supervision with Natasha Prenn. Followed by Essential Skills, I, II and III and Core Training with Jeanne Newhouse. Wow, big breath, slow down, take it in.I am forever changed and grateful professionally and personally.
I’m deeply appreciative of my clients who continue to accompany me on this journey of growth and continued learning. Permission to tape their sessions and share those sessions with colleagues takes courage and trust.
This way of working has softened what I call the rough psychoanalytic edges of transference/countertransference. Terms which at times distanced me from myself and clients.
I find a new vitality in my work, better ways of saying difficult things, my presence in the treatment room feels stronger and better boundaries emerge with softness.
Watching tape after tape; theory, attachment, authenticity have coalesced and I can no longer distinguish myself from pre-AEDP training. Although I was a clinician some 23 years prior.
While I celebrate this important personal goal, I mourn my bi-weekly supervision sessions. The quest to finally get a good tape. The community of people I would meet for classes and small group trainings.
I’m indebted to the work of Diana Fosha, Ben Lipton, Kari Gleiser, Steven Shapiro, Eileen Russel, David Mars, Jerry Lamagna (yes, pathogenic affect, big gulp) as your articles and slides periodically dot my office as I write an article or pull upon your knowledge when something arises with a client.
Namaste to you Jeanne Newhouse for your tender, intelligent, thorough guidance and teaching in Core Training. You guided and helped me see blind spots and find my voice.
Colleagues who have encouraged and created safety as we allowed our vulnerable selves to emerge, you remain in my heart and mind.
Natasha Prenn, thank you for your continuous support, guidance, encouragement, and help to become a better version of myself. You helped me find my full voice, to not be afraid of the underbelly and to keep my foot on the gas. Wow! Yes!I learned by you showing how to do it each consultation I had with you. We have moved together from “you smile as you tell me something painful” to “congratulations, well deserved, well done”. I have tears of joy and sadness. It is sad to end a journey and joyful to complete a journey. This quest to get AEDP certified is the psychic equivalent of walking the Pacific Crest Trail. I’ll call it the West End Avenue Winding Road.